Feminine Gripes


I'm busy job hunting at the moment and boy does that open up a whole new Pandora's box!

I've had my brush with feminism in the past, but have since learned to tone my views down a bit for the sake of actually getting along with people (read: men). And so far it's been good.

But boy, oh boy, have my beliefs been challenged these past few weeks. Because of one little (innocent?) question that every recruiter or potential employer keeps asking me:

"So, when do you intend on having children?"

Subtext: So, when will you stop becoming useful to us/the world/as an individual with dreams & ambitions?

I mean, YES, of course children is in the (near-ish) future for me as a woman. And YES I'll be off on maternity leave for a few months. But that's just one of the facts of life. I mean, somehow the population has to grow! And it doesn't change anything with regards to my skills, my talents and my ambitions.

Call it naivety, but I truly thought that we had come further by now, to not just see women as breeding units anymore, but as people with something to offer besides children. And anyone who knows me will know I'm crazy about children and would LOVE to have some of my own, but I don't see how that would cause me to negate my studies (which took 4 years) as well as the 3 years I've spent working as a semi-slave in order to get my qualification.

And it seems it doesn't get better once you actually have the children and will no longer be having more. Then you get asked things like "Well, how will you handle it when one of the children get sick?". But I've yet to hear of a man (who already has children) to be asked the same question. Because "it's not his responsibility", I suppose.

This country has the most ridiculous laws against discrimination; one example is that you can't discriminate against someone with Aids (who will definitely stop being productive a few years down the line). However nothing is being done to stop this blatant discrimination against women.

Go figure.

Maternal Unit


So, there I was, excited beyond belief to receive a visit from the maternal unit, after 8 months of absence.

And it was ever so good, brilliant in fact, for the first few hours. After which she started to drive me insane! Don't get me wrong, I love my mom dearly, but damnit the woman needs to learn how to switch off.

She kept on cleaning things for the entire 3 days she stayed at our flat (she is still in town, but staying with my aunt now). And, for the first little while, the cleaning is appreciated, but then it starts getting too much. I mean I woke up yesterday, to find her washing the windows! Now that to me is ridiculous at any time of the day, let alone before 7 in the morning. But how do you tell your mother to stop, well, being a mother?

But it wasn't just about the cleaning. She also decided to play interior decorator.

Q - "Don't you think this chair will look better over here?"

If I thought so, I would've put it there in the first place, right?

Co-Dependancy


It's amazing how you only realize how dependant you are on someone when they are not with you everyday. There are so many people like this - my parents, my friends (who don't live in the same town as me anymore), and, in the past few months, my husband. I've learnt to cope with not seeing my family and some of my friends on a regular basis - after all I've been doing it for quite some time now! - but being without Phillip for days on end is a new phenomenon, and one which made me quite uncomfortable in the beginning.

But you know what? I think this is a very necessary lesson for me. For while it's glorious to be with him everyday, I've come to realize it's not necessarily the healthiest option. Step-by-step I've started to embrace these times on my own (when he has to go away for a few days for work). Of course I'm not overjoyed when he has to go, but I'm fine on my own. In fact it's nice to just be in my own company. And of course, absence does make the heart grow fonder. I admit, I take him for granted waaaaaaaaaay too much. So it's nice to miss him a bit and rekindle some of that initial desire.

"Marriage is hard work". I've never understood what people meant when they said this, but I'm starting to get a glimpse. Note: "hard work" does not equal "awful". And it also doesn't mean that your marriage won't work fine if you don't put in some work. Instead what I've noticed is that when you put in a bit of extra effort it just elevates it from nice to superb.

To a real connection of souls instead of just two people living together.


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